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Passing of my Forever Loving Wife 7/17/2018

7K views 24 replies 18 participants last post by  Flameseeker 
#1 ·
On the morning of Tuesday 17th @ 6:30 am, while I was sitting at my desk I heard a loud thump. I got up and ran to the bathroom door, my wife had to fell on the floor. She did pass out when she came too, she said I think I was unconscious. I went into the bedroom and then tried to get her up. She said I feel like my arms & legs feel like jelly, and I think you better to call #911. Wow, when she asks for the ambulance she must really feel bad. The Rockingham Ambulance Squad arrived, they brought in a chair stretcher and pick her up and took out to the road. Where they were going to put her on the normal stretcher, what was amazing she got up on her on and laid down on the stretcher. When they were about to go I ask them where are they going to, the one attendant said Mose Cone Hospital. So I turned around to make sure the front door was closed so I could give her a kiss goodbye and tell her I LOVE HER. They had left the scene. So I had to get dressed and then feed the dogs and let them out. By this time it was 7:45 am. and I then called the hospital and spoken to the operator. She then switched me to the ER room, after that switched to the Catheterization Department. The nurse answered and said she is in this section and the doctor wanted to speak to me. I said okay, well the very 1st thing out of the doctor's big mouth was are you sitting down. That was the 1st thing I said are you telling me she had passed away, he said yes but let me explain what happened during her time from the ER room to this department. He then started to explain what transpired, she was stable in the ER, then taken to us and her blood pressure dropped 4 times that she was needed to be brought back to life. After the fourth time, she wasn't getting any blood to the heart through the smallest vein, which was being blocked. That is when she expired. But after I asked the doctor did she pass away, I went from standing to the floor face first, after about a minute or two the doctor kept asking if I was aright and if I was there. My wife Anita J. Stutzenburg 09/29/1953 - 07/17/2018 @ 9:02 am. I will never forget her and I will miss her deeply forever.
So this my feeling on life and Always Say I LOVE YOU to your spouse, and give each other a KISS and if you can get a Big Hug. This the worst thing I never did get to do, and I have lost plenty of sleep over it.
 

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#10 ·
Dennis, I just found this out. I am so sorry for your loss. We do need to tell our loved ones how much they mean to us but she knows you loved her.

Mack
 
#13 ·
Dear Dennis,

Your posting broke my heart. I am so sorry for what has happened.

PLEASE forgive yourself. You wife knows you love her deeply.

If you are a believer, know that she can see you and that she wants you to be at peace. (see Hebrews 12:1).

Know also that you WILL see her again. That is the hope and joy that only we believers get to experience and look forward to.
(Romans 15:13)

I know this doesn't hardly touch your pain, as I know that you are raw and bleeding.

God though, WILL give you strength and help you to endure.

None of us are on this planet for long. Draw near to God and let Him help you.

Again, please forgive yourself. You wife certainly has and she will tell you herself after a while.

Love, in Christ,

Bill
 
#15 ·
Bill, Thanks for your thoughts and warm posting. I do believe that I will see her in the afterlife. I did do (1) thing that I'm not proud of the day of her passing. I felt so alone that I pulled out my pistol, put under my head and put it to the throat. Being an ex-police officer, I do know how to shoot myself. I looked at my photograph on the nightstand and my 2 kids ( Pomeranians ), after looking at that photo and seeing my kids brown watery eyes. I emptied the pistol and put it back in the case. Just sat there cried and prayed to help to ease the pain. Soon after that I found myself asleep and feeling better, but still feeling the loss of her. I know I will for a long time, but it will become easier in time.
 
#16 ·
Yesterday, was a hard day. It was her Birthday, so I went down to visit the grave and bring flowers to her. I know she Loved Yellow Roses and we both Loved the Autumn season. In fact, we had gotten married in the fall. That day is October 22, we had a candlelight service and had it in the house we both shared. She never felt right being not married and sharing the bed. So we just made the wedding day and did all the decorations and had the family to come. After all is said & done the cost for our wedding was under $350.00, which included the food & drinks also the minister. But back to yesterday, I drove from Eden to Salisbury National Cem. the drive isn't bad just long and plenty of nuts on the road. Made it back safe and just rested the whole day and watched football, Go Wolverines! Her birthday gave me the pleasure of relief of heartache. The only thing I felt was wrong, our daughter couldn't go, due to having her 1 son for the weekend, I wanted to tell her off but thought better. I still Love her, after all, she is my daughter.
 
#17 ·
Dennis,

You gave her so much, you loved her and she got to receive that gift from you from the moment you first chose to love her until the day she passed. The Love was there, in her heart and soul, not hearing the words did not diminish the feeling of being loved and cared about for her.

I am am so sorry to hear what you are going through, I can't imagine the pain losing someone so close so unexpectedly. I hope you can find the strength and courage to honor her love for you, and live the life she wants for you.

It it will take time to mourn her absence, to find your way to living the life she wants for you, without her by your side, but you can by moving yourself forward one step at a time. Please go to see a counselor, someone who can listen to you and help you focus your hurt in a healthy way. Think of how proud she will be seeing so much strength in the man who chose to love her with all his heart.
 
#19 ·
Hi Dennis,

I'm sorry that Saturday was so hard, but that you could find some joy in your wife's birthday.

I completely understand about your pain being so intense that you considered ending your life.

You are not alone in that.

Moses - Numbers 11:15
Elijah - 1 Kings 19:4
Paul - 2 Corinthians 1:8

... all had the same thoughts.

I am so glad to hear that God used the picture of your Pomeranians to touch your heart and move you from doing that.

Regarding your daughter. I am glad you could bring yourself to give her grace. Obviously I don't know her, but I do know that different people grieve in different ways. While your wife's birthday comforted you, it may have been a deep source of pain for your daughter. Her own pain may be so great that she has a hard time facing YOU. Doesn't quite make sense, but it happens.

God will toughen your ability to handle the pain, but it will never really go away. It is like a physical scar on your body. It is a "toughened" area of skin, but it will always be there.

You can expect that your pain will come in waves. After a while, you will have a day when it doesn't consume you. Don't feel guilty when that day comes. Then there will be other days down the road, where just some little obscure thing will bring it all back fresh. Keep turning to God to help you endure.

It may help to talk to your wife, knowing that she hears you, but don't expect to hear her end of the conversation. Just like it has helped you to write on this forum. You CAN hear from God, though. Spend time with Him, be quiet and listen. If you have a hard time stilling your mind, try this. Imagine if I told you to close your eyes and that sometime in the next 2 minutes, I was going to ring a bell. As soon as you hear the bell, I want you to raise your right hand as quickly as possible. If you can imagine that scenario, then you can get yourself in the right frame of mind to be listening for God. When He speaks to you, it won't be an audible voice, but your mind with be overwhelmed with a clear message. Now MOST times, you won't hear anything. Keep at it, though, because there WILL be days when He will overwhelm you with His response, guidance, comfort, and love.

My heart continues to go out to you, as you deal with this overwhelming pain.

In Christ's love,
Bill
 
#21 ·
I have been praying since her passing, I even lay there talking to her like she was still here. I think it is my own way of dealing this. I know others have gone through this, it is very new to me and just wish that she had never left me. Then the Lord our God said it is your time, then it is your time. But like I stated in the earlier reply, writing these replies just seems to help also.
 
#22 ·
You close to Hickory? A good fishing trip cures a lot. You dont have to bring anything. Ive got 7 Abu Garcia Revo X and 2 Quantum Team KVD rigs and enough lures to cover Lake Hickory stacked end to end. You just need to show up. Boats in dry dock. One call and its in the water ready to go. PM if interested. Every fish i catch is dedicated to my late father and his brother. I hope they enjoy the show.

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk
 
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