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Thread: Ask Dr. H

  1. #1
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    Default Ask Dr. H

    In an effort to further enhance the lives of Red X Anglers (and anyone else) I am hereby offering my close to 6 decades of experience in life to provide guidance for questions you may have about any given subject (must remain family friendly in accordance with the rules of this site). These need not necessarily be fishing questions as most of you are much more knowledgeable fisherman than I. You may for example, wish to know why Donald Duck wears a towel when he comes out of the shower in his cartoons but wears no pants the rest of the time. Or why that cereal is called 'Grape Nuts'. Or, speaking of cereal....why Captain Crunch's eyebrows are on his hat. Dr. H has the answers to these and many other quandary's of living. So get it off your chest like the writer below did....

    Dear Dr. H,

    My 22 year old daughter is getting married for the 3rd time. #3 is an unemployed 47 year old who lost his job at a coastal car wash when he abandoned his post during a bluefish blitz. While I'm hoping this one's a keeper for her my main concern is paying for yet another wedding. I can afford it but the cost is biting into my fishing trip and fishing gear money. Any ideas on how I can provide a cost effective wedding?

    Sincerely,

    Down and Out East


    Dear Down and Out,

    You've come to the right place for advice. Dr. H has funded 3 weddings himself and participated directly in two of those. That said, weddings are an expensive proposition. Sure they can go before the Justice of the Peace but that robs your lovely daughter of her 'special day'. Day's in her case. The secret is not in going cheap, it's WHERE you allocate the funds that count. In today's time it's not unusual to spend $50,000 on a wedding so that should be your budget. I propose (no pun intended) that the wedding be scheduled in the Fall and in a boat at the Cape Lookout Rock Jetty. While there will be hundreds of witnesses packed in tight there at this time of the year you won't be bothered with a bunch of irritating family members who only show up for free parties since they will have no way to get there. After all, weight limits on the boat only allow for a small wedding party and the preacher.

    For about $48,000 you can pick up a new 23' Carolina Skiff Ultra Elite with a 200 HP Yamaha four stroke. You can pass on the Electric Portable Head option though as the water temps still run around 70 degrees this time of year. But be sure to get the optional 70 quart padded cooler in which you will place their honeymoon supplies. Yes, you are funding their honeymoon too! What a great dad you are! . Following the exchanging of the vows, the nearby witnesses can substitute traditional rice by showering the lovely couple with 3/8 oz. Gulp Jigs in the traditional white color. Instead of a bouquet, the bride can toss an 8 foot Betts cast net.

    Following the ceremony it's just a short ride over to Shackleford where you will drop them off for an extended honeymoon. They will know you've been impeccable with your planning due to the shallow draft on the skiff. 'Stay as long as you like, you lovebirds!' you tell them as you present the wedding present; a 2 man pup tent with King sized air mattress and hand pump along with the cooler full of free outdated water and Vienna Sausages you got from the dumpster behind Food Lion. While they won't have a way to recharge their phones the area around Shack is well traveled. Someone will pick them up sooner or later.

    Enjoy your new skiff.

    -Dr. H.

    H2ohhh, Dr. H, Judge H...what the H? Nucanoe Frontier 12.

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  3. #2
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    Dr. H is a very wise man indeed and look forward to reading his ask Dr. H threads.
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    Old Coot Red X Angler with a in my dreams only Bucket List
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    Dr. H
    Why did the coyote never catch the road runner with all the resources at his disposal.
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    Old Coot Red X Angler with a in my dreams only Bucket List
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  6. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Solo Skiff Fisherman View Post
    Dr. H
    Why did the coyote never catch the road runner with all the resources at his disposal.
    Dear Solo,

    An excellent question indeed. Few people realize that the Coyote was in fact the star of the show. As a trained stunt canine, his salary was much higher than the road runner. The show itself was not originally intended for entertainment purposes. It was funded by a team of Physics Professors to evaluate such things as the required coefficient of friction for the coyote to go around that sharp corner without falling off the adjacent cliff. Should the coyote have in fact caught the Road Runner the experiments would have come to an abrupt conclusion.

    Fewer yet are aware that the Road Runner later sued Warner Brothers for selling his likeness to Mopar. The Road Runner died in 1987, tragically run over on an Arizona road by a Plymouth bearing his name. The Coyote on the other hand, led a comfortable life as a spokes-dog for the ACME products company. He still lives in Palm Springs with his 6 year old (in dog years) wife, Lindsey Lassie.

    Dr. H

    H2ohhh, Dr. H, Judge H...what the H? Nucanoe Frontier 12.

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    Dear Dr. H
    It's been a terrible long and cold winter. I'm having a bad case of I don't give a crap. I've got the Blue Ridge Mountain Blues, camping fever and Smallie withdrawal. I'm considering abandoning my post has babysitter at work and heading for the hills.
    CAN YOU HELP!!??

    (==) ===='=::}
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    Red X Angler
    Let's go FISHIN'....

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    Quote Originally Posted by Echerd View Post
    Dear Dr. H
    It's been a terrible long and cold winter. I'm having a bad case of I don't give a crap. I've got the Blue Ridge Mountain Blues, camping fever and Smallie withdrawal. I'm considering abandoning my post has babysitter at work and heading for the hills.
    CAN YOU HELP!!??

    (==) ===='=€::}
    Dear Echerd,

    While not a Medical Doctor, I did sleep in a Holiday Inn last night. This did not make me any smarter, however the previous renter of the room was a Dr. Ben Jo Pickins. I know this because I found his prescription pad under the bed next to an empty mason jar. The symptoms you describe are serious indeed. Side effects include your spouse and children avoiding you, the dog looking at you funny, lack of regular hygiene, watching Hee Haw marathons for days on end and even trying to book a trip for trophy smallies in New York State, where they yawn at 3 pounders. Fortunately you are unsuccessful at this last expensive proposition as nobody up there can understand a word you say and they don't have time for how long it takes you to say it either. But fear not, I (or should I say Dr. Pickens) intend to write you a prescription to present to your employer diagnosing you with Severe Inflammatory Castinatitis (SIC) and requiring a mandatory 6 day camping, fishing and picking expedition at the Earl Scruggs Outfitters location just north of Galax, Va. These treatments may need to recur on a regular basis to get you back to your old self.

    Dr. H

    H2ohhh, Dr. H, Judge H...what the H? Nucanoe Frontier 12.

  9. #7
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    Excellent... I'm feeling better already.

    (:=) ===='=::}

    Red X Angler
    Let's go FISHIN'....

  10. #8
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    This is the best thread I have seen on here in a long, long time...

    "Wrinkles only go where the smiles have been"
    Red X Angler

  11. #9
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    Dear Dr. H

    Why does one park on a drive way, but later drives on a Parkway.

    Red X angler

  12. #10
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    Dear Dr H -

    Why is one of the finest eating freshwater fish named the crappie? And don't pronounce it "croppy" iunless you're Dr FrOnkenstein!
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    After all is said and done.... A heck of a lot more will be said than done
    Red X Angler
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    Quote Originally Posted by slickrocktom View Post
    Dear Dr. H

    Why does one park on a drive way, but later drives on a Parkway.
    Another fine question. This one requires substantial semantical clarification. You can in fact drive on your driveway. It is how you get to your garage from the street. Likewise you can park on the Parkway. This latter practice is frowned upon by law enforcement but has been known to be challenged for the purpose of gaining access to a mountain stream during an epic midge hatch. A white cloth hanging from the door handle is a handy ruse in these situations. The word 'Park' itself is derived from the French 'Parc'. In old French a 'Parc' was an enclosure. That's why a baseball field is referred to as a 'Park'. The landscaped type of Parks originated in medieval practice of enclosing game preserves for the aristocracy. The enclosure in your example would be your garage, not your driveway. Therefore one should never park in his driveway for there is no enclosure. Nor should you Drive on a 'Park'way as driving inside of an enclosure is very dangerous. It's as simple as that.

    Dr. H

    H2ohhh, Dr. H, Judge H...what the H? Nucanoe Frontier 12.

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    Quote Originally Posted by biglenr View Post
    Dear Dr H -

    Why is one of the finest eating freshwater fish named the crappie? And don't pronounce it "croppy" iunless you're Dr FrOnkenstein!

    Dear Mr. Big,

    Like Mr. Slickrocktom's inquiry, yours also dates way back to medieval times. The fish in question was first discovered by the great explorer Lord Fuller Crappendookie. Legend has it that the fish was landed using a piece of hair from his daughter Mary-boo, which led to the creation of the Maribou Jig which is still taking the poor fighting but fine tasting species today. With a surname the subject of many jokes, Crappendookie pronounced it 'CrOPendookie' and southerners, noted for their manners, still use this pronunciation today. Northerners on the other hand bear no such manners, pronounce it phonetically and argue over why southerners say it the way they do.

    Dr. H.

    H2ohhh, Dr. H, Judge H...what the H? Nucanoe Frontier 12.

  15. #13
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    I think we, being southern, say it as Crappie because it is a crappy fighter.

    (:=) ===='=::}
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    Red X Angler
    Let's go FISHIN'....

  16. #14
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    Dear Dr H

    As I understand it, you were around when the " Lost Colony " disappeared. Can you explain what happened to them ?


  17. #15
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    Dr H is the master of all answers Hikipedia
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    I marvel how the fishes live in the sea.
    Why, as men do a-land; the great ones eat up the little ones.
    William Shakespeare

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