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Ask Dr. H

67K views 312 replies 42 participants last post by  lostnwilderness 
#1 ·
In an effort to further enhance the lives of Red X Anglers (and anyone else) I am hereby offering my close to 6 decades of experience in life to provide guidance for questions you may have about any given subject (must remain family friendly in accordance with the rules of this site). These need not necessarily be fishing questions as most of you are much more knowledgeable fisherman than I. You may for example, wish to know why Donald Duck wears a towel when he comes out of the shower in his cartoons but wears no pants the rest of the time. Or why that cereal is called 'Grape Nuts'. Or, speaking of cereal....why Captain Crunch's eyebrows are on his hat. Dr. H has the answers to these and many other quandary's of living. So get it off your chest like the writer below did....

Dear Dr. H,

My 22 year old daughter is getting married for the 3rd time. #3 is an unemployed 47 year old who lost his job at a coastal car wash when he abandoned his post during a bluefish blitz. While I'm hoping this one's a keeper for her my main concern is paying for yet another wedding. I can afford it but the cost is biting into my fishing trip and fishing gear money. Any ideas on how I can provide a cost effective wedding?

Sincerely,

Down and Out East


Dear Down and Out,

You've come to the right place for advice. Dr. H has funded 3 weddings himself and participated directly in two of those. That said, weddings are an expensive proposition. Sure they can go before the Justice of the Peace but that robs your lovely daughter of her 'special day'. Day's in her case. The secret is not in going cheap, it's WHERE you allocate the funds that count. In today's time it's not unusual to spend $50,000 on a wedding so that should be your budget. I propose (no pun intended) that the wedding be scheduled in the Fall and in a boat at the Cape Lookout Rock Jetty. While there will be hundreds of witnesses packed in tight there at this time of the year you won't be bothered with a bunch of irritating family members who only show up for free parties since they will have no way to get there. After all, weight limits on the boat only allow for a small wedding party and the preacher.

For about $48,000 you can pick up a new 23' Carolina Skiff Ultra Elite with a 200 HP Yamaha four stroke. You can pass on the Electric Portable Head option though as the water temps still run around 70 degrees this time of year. But be sure to get the optional 70 quart padded cooler in which you will place their honeymoon supplies. Yes, you are funding their honeymoon too! What a great dad you are! . Following the exchanging of the vows, the nearby witnesses can substitute traditional rice by showering the lovely couple with 3/8 oz. Gulp Jigs in the traditional white color. Instead of a bouquet, the bride can toss an 8 foot Betts cast net.

Following the ceremony it's just a short ride over to Shackleford where you will drop them off for an extended honeymoon. They will know you've been impeccable with your planning due to the shallow draft on the skiff. 'Stay as long as you like, you lovebirds!' you tell them as you present the wedding present; a 2 man pup tent with King sized air mattress and hand pump along with the cooler full of free outdated water and Vienna Sausages you got from the dumpster behind Food Lion. While they won't have a way to recharge their phones the area around Shack is well traveled. Someone will pick them up sooner or later.

Enjoy your new skiff.

-Dr. H.
 
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#231 ·
Thank you for your words of wisdom Doc. I do profess my everlasting loyalty to the Red X Anglers.

I know your advice is sound and will certainly follow your instructions with due diligence, perhaps with one minor exception if it pleases your excellence. I agree with selling the boat, however, I've experienced an incredible ride and fishing platform in the Hewe's Redfisher 18 while helping a friend who is overseas by operating his vessel in order to keep it in top running condition until his return. I would like to secure a vessel of this caliber for my own so that I can use it as a getaway vehicle if the need arises and maybe take my kids on the water when they eventually return. Is your plan flexible on this matter?
 
#232 ·
It absolutely is. That's a wonderful vessel. You have fine friends indeed. Problem is you may have to resurrect that Ford to pull it. I say still scrap the truck and buy a used 72 Chevy Suburban. Rusty if possible so that it blends in. The 78 Ford would stand out on the street because there are very few of those still running. With the Suburban you have emergency living quarters plus it won't break down on you. Get the 4x4 because Cape Lookout and Ocracoke are excellent for fishing and hiding.

Dr H.
 
#233 ·
The gods are in my favor, and have not only shown me a premonition, but also led me to this thread to help with the dilemma I have encountered.

I understand that the Highly Regarded, most Honorable Judge is currently busy answering his own questions on how to most efficiently and profitably organize his recently mentioned personal economic organization to generate fishing funds, but I was hoping that maybe the time to instill his knowledge would be found, and put an end to this constant stress I now feel and allow me to enjoy what soon will be.

I have seen it in my dreams, so the gods are telling me it must be so, my strength, determination and resolve will be tested on the NewRiver. I will catch a smallmouth that is second only to Moby Dick. In my dreams, I am fighting the fish, but the fish is having his way with me, dragging me in my kayak downstream at a speed ski boats are envious of. I will land this fish, I must land this fish, but I fear that it will not be until we reach West Virginia, and thus my dilemma.
I have not been able to read through the rulebook at the link you provided earlier at www.youreallyarearookieifyouclickthis.com, so I am not sure if a fish hooked in NC, on the line all the way through VA, and finally boated in W VA is eligible for entry into the most revered NewRiver event contest… But this is not my question, I will take my chances with my eligibility just as everyone else, and I am sure the honorable judge will make clear the eligibility of such a catch. I only point this out, because there is a legal matter that I must be prepared for prior to what will be my greatest challenge.
As you now know, it will take fighting this fish in 3 states to bring him in the boat. My question is this, what state fishing licenses will I need to make my upcoming battle legal?
 
#234 ·
The gods are in my favor, and have not only shown me apremonition, but also led me to this thread to help with the dilemma I have encountered.

I understand that the Highly Regarded, most Honorable Judge is currently busyanswering his own questions on how to most efficiently and profitably organizehis recently mentioned personal economic organization to generate fishing funds,but I was hoping that maybe the time to instill his knowledge would be found,and put an end to this constant stress I now feel and allow me to enjoy whatsoon will be.

I have seen it in my dreams, so the gods are telling meit must be so, my strength, determination and resolve will be tested on the NewRiver. I will catch a smallmouth that issecond only to Moby Dick. In my dreams,I am fighting the fish, but the fish is having his way with me, dragging me in mykayak downstream at a speed ski boats are envious of. I will land this fish, I must land this fish,but I fear that it will not be until we reach West Virginia, and thus my dilemma.
I have not been able to read through the rulebook at thelink you provided earlier at www.youreallyarearookieifyouclickthis.com, so I am not sure if a fish hooked in NC, on the line all the way through VA,and finally boated in W VA is eligible for entry into the most revered NewRiver event contest… But this is not aquestion, I will take my chances with my eligibility just as everyone else, andI am sure the honorable judge will make clear the eligibility of such a catch. I only point this out, because there is alegal matter that I must be prepared for prior to what will be my greatestchallenge.
As you now know, it will take fighting this fish in 3 statesto bring him in the boat. My question isthis, what state fishing licenses will I need to make my upcoming battle legal?
I'm not Dr. H, but you might be out of luck for fishing licenses if you make it up to WV. It appears NC has a reciprocal license agreement for waters shared with border states, including Virginia. But W. Virginia doesn't fall in that category! Here's what should be the relevant the regulations:

http://www.ncwildlife.org/Licensing...icenses/Reciprocal-Fishing-License-Agreements

Again, I am not Dr. H, but I suggest you don't let your dreams spook you about giant smallmouth bass. The New River isn't Lake Erie or St. Clair, so I imagine that one of those anchor spikes or even Power Pole spikes for your kayak ought to be enough to contain the surges from what passes for giant smallmouth here in NC!

Jay
 
#235 ·
I will catch a smallmouth that is second only to Moby Dick. In my dreams, I am fighting the fish, but the fish is having his way with me, dragging me in my kayak downstream at a speed ski boats are envious of.
I think you'll be OK man. Surely a smallie second only to Moby Dick will drag you upstream, in which case you'll only have to hang on until you get to Boone or so. Either way, I hope you enjoy the ride...
 
#238 ·
Taking account your weight + Kayak + river flow and the brutal strength of a smallie would equal around a 300lb braid line. But don't forget you will need to update your rod and reel for this epic battle. Do not forget your body will be under stress and need energy so pack a bottle or 2 of clear mountain water witch will help with the arm pain you will be feeling from such a battle also.

But this is truly only a question only Dr H can answer as I have problems of my own and can't even help myself with liquid refreshments.
 
#239 ·
Dear Mr Dazed,

The reciprocal license agreement with Virginia only extends 13 miles downstream (north as the river flows). Since this is the NC Angler website specimens must come from inside the licensed NC area. But fear not as you'd be DQ'd anyway as a 6 pound smallie would drag you too far to make the 6 pm weigh in deadline. Ask Ray how that works. Mr Jay is beefing on the comparatively small fish on the south fork as compared to up north where the Dr has landed some beasts indeed. But on ultralight gear with no more than 6 pound test they are superbly athletic rascals no matter the size. But you know this as I understand you've been seen with Ray prefishing and landing your first smallie. Good for you. Also not good for you.

Rare New River factoid: The river was named by a cartographer from England as it did not appear on any previous map. Therefore it was New. But then in the early 1700's it was renamed the Woods river after a famous pioneer who hung out with the Indians. Guess he was from Cleveland. Anyway, it was re-renamed the New River by Peter Jefferson in the 60's. Remember Gracie Slick and Jefferson Airplane? No relation. Peter Jefferson was father to future second president of our country Thomas Jefferson.

And yes I am Dr H
 
#240 ·
Oh...my...goodness...just about forgot what Kool-Aid feels like when in comes out of your nose because I'm laughing too hard...just came to this thread (been too busy with life to even lurk properly!) I have to read posts in small batches, coworkers, people in restaurants, even the wife looks at me funny...gotta read when no one else is around, I guess. Hats off! Love it...
 
#241 ·
Dear Dr. H

I have been having thoughts of just selling my kayaks and fishing gear here lately. I have a severe desire to fish the salt but would like some company while pursuing the fishies but it seems that I can never get anyone to go. I know I'm not the most fun guy to hang with far from it so that could be it. Could it be that I smell bad thought of that crossed my mind. Maybe I'm just a sorry no catching fisherman and people don't want it to rub off on them.

Salt water deprived individual be me.
 
#242 ·
Dear Haunted One,

By 'my kayaks' I assume you are referring to the pair of vessels I saw on a custom trailer at Kerr Scott? The ones with Bimini tops, stratolounger seating, military grade electronics, satellite TV and a nuclear reactor powered propulsion system? Not sure they meet the definition of kayaks. You should advertise them on the Red Xpensive website. Your affinity for the salt is understandable as the Dr. longs for the salt marsh and surf himself. Forget the body odor issue. Real fishermen crave Gulp juice spilled in tackle boxes and week old finger mullet hiding under boat seats. Frankly your stuff is just way too nice and well kept and we slobs stay away for fear of staining the rich Corinthian leather in your truck. You need to reset. Shop yard sales. Fish a 30 year old Cardinal reel with a balky drag on a Shakespeare fiberglass rod. Donate your current fishing possessions to the Dr. H home for former runway models. It's tax deductible and we pick up at your residence.

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#248 ·
Dr H,

Your first paragraph is that sharp witted snarky humor we always appreciate from you. That second paragraph is some **** fine writing. It makes me tear up a little thinking of a place just like that my great uncle would stop at for cigar minnows when he would take me trolling for kings in the Gulf. We caught them every trip even when others were having a hard time. From decades of experience he knew where they were and you couldn't look up coordinates for his spots.
 
#255 ·
I remember my first time at Kings, many years ago when I was still new to NC. I asked for BBQ sauce and they brought out this runny red sauce that just about made my eyes water from all the vinegar. I tried to describe to the waitress what I was asking for and she looked at me like I was from Mars.
 
#260 ·
Dear Stalker,

I will gladly answer your post not for your benefit but for the other regular readers of this thread. Both of them. While I appreciate the fans of the thread I get a bit queasy and uneasy at excessive adoration. Dr. H can shoot a deer tick off a dog's butt at 30 yards with a .38 snubby. While sleep walking. Keep that in mind. Would you like hemorrhoids? Losing your teeth and memory in your 50's? Being married to the world's most expensive woman? Because that's just like Dr H. Take little bits of traits you observe from people you admire and mold them to be yourself. Besides I want to be just like dbeam.

Now on to your question. Shopping both online and at stores sucks. I ordered size 6 inline hooks to replace the trebles for an upcoming trout foray on a single hook artificial only stream. They sent 6\0. Or you can go to Bass Pro and pay top retail for everything but hey, they have to pay for the aquarium, a hundred animal and fish mounts and that 'lodge' experience. Don't forget the American flag t-shirts and hats made in China before you leave. Now Academy is fine for bargain hunting but you may buy things you don't need like the 4 Columbia, Woolrich and Under Armor shirts I snatched up a couple of weeks ago and a monster camping chair that I'll need help carrying to my site at New River.

Nope, the smart shopper checks out his wealthy buddies equipment. These guys are always upgrading. Why? Because they can and they want the latest and greatest. Soften the blow by offering to buy that one year old St. Croix inshore rod for $50 so they can get the G Loomis. Watch for weight gain and promote it by feeding them well at meet and greets. That Orvis barn coat will be yours before you know it!

Sent from my K88 using Tapatalk
 
#264 ·
Sorry Opti... couldn't help myself. I myself was attacked and injured recently while walking along Bogue Inlet Pier at 2AM. 2 Chopper Blues attacked me while I was wearing my MAGA (Make Anchovies Great Again) hat. As they flopped back into the water to make their escape one yelled 'Free Juicy Mullet!', the famous actor nobody ever heard of.

Sent from my K88 using Tapatalk
 
#265 ·
Sorry Opti... couldn't help myself. I myself was attacked and injured recently while walking along Bogue Inlet Pier at 2AM. 2 Chopper Blues attacked me while I was wearing my MAGA (Make Anchovies Great Again) hat. As they flopped back into the water to make their escape one yelled 'Free Juicy Mullet!', the famous actor nobody ever heard of.
That's gonna cost you three and a half minutes of your life you'll never get back...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnMj1FI9Jpo
 
#268 ·
Dear Myohmy,

It's a great question. Holden Illingsworth was a textile magnate in the 1870's. As such he pretty much fished all the time while his minions worked for slave wages. His thumbs were rubbed raw from counting money so he couldn't throw a baitcaster to save his life. While untangling a god awful birds nest in the surf south of Wilmington he ran across a chap named Dee Beamius. Dee was quite adept at fixing anything and carried a Barlow pocket knife modified with multiple tools on it, including a corkscrew by which Mr Beamius was opening a pint of ale. Dee also had an awl he had fashioned on the Barlow and, since he had already caught his limit, proceeded to get the windknot out of Holden's baitcaster. Holden noticed that Mr Beamius had a 7000 series reel made of bicycle sprockets and internal watch gears. It had a bicycle spoke bent across the front on which his line rested and a handle fashioned from a Hickory branch. It enabled Dee to toss 1\98th oz lures out past the breakers. Holden offered Dee Beamius $20 for the contraption and Dee figured since he had his limit of fish but not yet his limit of ale that he would accept the generous offer. Holden patented the contraption, had a beach named after him and Dee has great grandchildren to this day helping folks out.

Sent from my K88 using Tapatalk
 
#270 ·
Dear Ghost Writer,

While the Doctor prescribes good weather in order to enhance the quality of our outings he does not predict it beyond a day or so, and only is fairly accurate short term from spending many years in the outdoors. And the short term is all we need to know so as to be prepared. When it comes to our outings there is no finer place to be irrespective of the weather. The exception is weather that could be dangerous such as the impact on floating the South Fork after days of rain or a hurricane on the coast. 'Outdoorsmen' who back out of a meet and greet because it might be too cold or too wet are not outdoorsmen at all. It's their choice to do so of course and has no bearing on how they are as a person or how we think of them but an outdoorsman loves the sound of rain banging on the roof of a tent and we are smart enough to know when to seek shelter. They relish using their knowledge to take the appropriate action when caught in a downpour, be it a tree, a tarp, an overturned kayak or simply the right rain gear from anticipating the weather before heading out. We had a cold windy day at your late season Fort Fisher event last year. We sheltered from the wind by parking our trucks to block it and had an epic event. The next morning I was back out on the beach cooking breakfast on a jet boil in the bed of my truck as it howled 30 knots from the NE, marveling at the angry ocean. These are situations and memories that stay with us always, unlike the bad weather days spent inside watching tv. Top those with the comraderie of some of our best friends with whom we only see a handful of times per year and the weather only plays a role, yet never determines the outcome.

Now pretty weather TV babes??? That makes forecasting important.

Dr H


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#271 ·
Dear Dr. H,

I’d really like to learn to fish but in watching guys do so it seems they look kind of silly. They don’t seem to care what they wear. The pros on TV look like clowns wearing walking billboards and the amateurs wear old gnarly looking stuff. I’m smooth and want to appeal to the bikini laden chicks on boats. Any suggestions?

Trent B. Purdy



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#272 ·
Dear Purdy Boy,

It is impossible to look cool to the uneducated masses while fishing. Other fishermen can appreciate fine handling of a baitcaster tossing a light lure or the finesse of dropping a soft plastic in a platter sized hole from 50 feet or skipping a bait under a dock but some things make us look stupid no matter how long we’ve fished. Ever seen an elegant kayak entry? Or poetry in motion while trying to unsnag a lure or anchor or freeing ourselves from being pinned on a rock on moving water? How suave are we when closing the car door on a St Croix? Or getting slammed by a wave surf fishing while trying to reach the second sand bar? Or chasing a wind blown $80 Tilley hat down the beach?

Fishing is a test of our own patience combined with the challenge of being in an environment home to only those with gills or feathers. We wear our lucky clothes and don’t care about the stains. We will not attract any bikini wearing tomatoes nor do we want to. They detract from our fishing time and cost us money to take them out to dinner. Find one that loves fishing as much as you do and loves you for who you are and that’s the catch of a lifetime.


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#279 ·
Dear Un-Philled,

While it seems like a difficult question, the answer is not difficult yet contains a mystery of its own. For starters you’re here because you beat lottery type odds by being the fastest sperm in the bunch. Dads moment of pleasure left you with a lifetime of it. But like many humans we dull that pleasure by taking for granted that which we have and focus on that which we don’t. We complain about the chilly night and ignore the full moon and star laden sky. We hustle to release a small bream without pausing to wonder at the rainbow of color on its gill plate. We become so focused on finding a tailing redfish that we miss the army of fiddlers on a mud flat or the Osprey hunting overhead. Young Abert43 and I were catching a few bass on a very chilly day this Spring when a pair of eagles appeared diving and calling overhead during mating season. We both stopped fishing for several minutes and just watched. That kid gets it.

The meaning of life is that God gave you that winning lottery ticket so that you might absorb some of the wonders of his creation. But the ‘why you are here’ contains the mysterious and undefined answer. At some point you said words which had an impact on another’s future success or you sired a future leader. Maybe someone found your unpublished book or you started a business that will provide for generations of descendants to come. The possibilities are endless. The mysterious irony is that likely you will never know. Hence the answer is don’t worry about the meaning of your life but know there is one. Enjoy every fleeting second for your time on this earth is limited. And the sands of time stop for no one.


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