[Nantahala Fly Fishing]

A game warden spotted a man walking away from a lake with a bucket of fish, he aproached the man and asked if he had a license. The man said, no, you don't understand officer, these are my pet fish. I only bring them to the lake to let them swim for a for a little while, then I call them back and they jump in the bucket and I take them home. The man then asked the officer, would you like to see. The officer said yes, I've got to see this! The man then dumped the fish back into the lake and sat down on the bucket. After a long wait the officer looked at the man and said,
WELL!!!
The man said, WELL WHAT!!!
The game warden said, WHAT ABOUT THE FISH!!!
The man then said, WHAT FISH!!!


A lady went to Wal-mart to buy a fishing rod to try the sport of fishing, but she knew nothing about fishing rods. She picked out a rod and reel and took it to the front of the store to get help. She saw a man at the front wearing dark green glasses and asked him if he knew anything about the fishing rod she had picked out.
He told her that he was blind, but if she would drop the rod on the counter he could tell her all about it. The lady seemed puzzeled, but gave the rod a good drop to the counter. The man then said, thats a 6 foot graphite rod with a zebco 33 reel, it's a good all around rod and it's 20 dollars.The lady was pleased and said, I'll take it.
While the man was walking around the counter to ring it up, the lady farted!!!
She was embarressed at first, but then thought he's blind he don't know if someone else is around or not. The man rang the rod up and said, that will be 25 dollars miss.
The lady then said, I thought you said it was just 20 dollars. He then said, the rod is 20 dollars, the duck call is 3 dollars and the stink bait is 2 dollars.

 

[Topsail Angler]

Fishing Terms Explained

Angler - An obsessed individual who owns a house that is falling down due to neglect, a truck whose color can best be described as Rust-Oleum, and a pristine boat that he chamois' down methodically before and after each trip.

Knot - (1) An insecure connection between your hook and fishing line. (2) A permanent tangle on your spinning reel which forces you to go out and buy a bigger, better, much more expensive rig.

Live Bait - The biggest fish you'll handle all day.

Quiet Water - Your surroundings after you stop cursing your bad luck and fall asleep at the reel.

Skunked fisherman - One who returns to the boat ramp many, many hours after his buddies have gone home so that there are no witnesses to his catch or lack thereor.

Sinker - (1) A weight attached to a lure to get it to the bottom. (2) The nickname of your boat.

Thumb - A temporary hook holder.

Treble Hook - Triples the odds of your catching a fish. Quadruples the odds of your getting the hook caught in your thumb (see above).

Trolling - What you do after you've lost a $500 rod and reel set-up overboard.

 

[Crummy]

A boy arrived late to his Sunday School class. He was normally punctual, so the teacher asked if anything was wrong. The boy admitted that he had originally planned to go fishing, but his father had told him he must go to Church instead.

Impressed, the teacher asked if the boy's father had explained why it was more important for him to go to Church than to go fishing.

"Yes," the youngster replied. "He said he didn't have enough bait for both of us."​

 

[Crummy]

[Four married guys went fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place...]

First guy: “You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife I will paint every room in the house next weekend.”

Second guy: “That's nothing! I had to promise my wife I'll build her a new deck for the pool.”

Third guy: “Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I'll remodel the kitchen for her.”

They continued to fish, until they realized the fourth guy had not said a word. So they asked him. “You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?”

“I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off the clock, gave the wife a nudge and said, 'Fishing, or Sex?' and she said, 'Wear a sweater.' ”
​

 

[Crummy]

 

[luremaker]

Two elderly gentlemen fished together every Wednesday through snow, sleet, rain it didn't matter every Wednesday they were seen on the lake together. As they were sitting there this one particular day a funeral procession starts to go by and one of the gentlemen stands up and takes his hat off the procession passes and he sits back down and goes back to his fishing.
His partner is a little confused and says "John I didn't know you were so religeous and smypathic that was very admireable."
The other guy replies, "naw that was the wifes funeral just paying my last respects I'm gonna miss her."

 

[Dave B.]

What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?

One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger and the other is a fish

 

[Dave B.]

Couple young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track, when out of the bushes jumped the game warden!

Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods and hot on his heels came the game warden.

After about a half mile, the guy stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the game warden finally caught up to him.

"Let's see yer fishin license, boy!" the warden gasped.

With that, the guy pulled out his wallet and gave the game warden a valid fishing license. "Well, son," said the Game Warden. "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!" "Yes sir," replied the young feller. "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one..."

 

[Topsail Angler]

A young man and an old man were fishing on a pier.The young man started telling the old one that the night before he caught a trout that was over 3 1/2 foot long.

The old man replied "Oh yea, well I was here 2 nights ago and I hooked something huge. After a 30 minute fight I finally got it up and it was an old lantern and the thing was still lit."

The young man said "Your lying. I can't believe that."

Then the old man said "I'll tell you what, you knock a couple of feet off your trout and I'll blow out my lantern."

 

[fojoloy]

I don't know any jokes, so I will have to tell a true story. My old computer here at the coast crashed last year while I was downloading pictures of fish which I had caught--It took three men to carry the computer out of the house due to the weight increase caused by the pictures on the computer.

 

[Topsail Angler]

I don't know any jokes, so I will have to tell a true story. My old computer here at the coast crashed last year while I was downloading pictures of fish which I had caught--It took three men to carry the computer out of the house due to the weight increase caused by the pictures on the computer.

Putting on my waders, pinching my nose and heading for the door................

 

[Dave B.]

This one is for all of us that have the tackle monkey fever:

A young man wanted desperately to work at a department store as he needed a good job. He approached the store manager who responded they needed no help.

Quite persistent, the boy returned again and again until the manager finally said "We're having a holiday sale tomorrow. Why don't you show up and you can give it a try." The elated boy returned the following day and proceeded to sell.

At the end of the day the store manager called the youngster over and asked how he had done. The boy responded that he had sold $79,083.50 worth of merchandise!

The manager asked how he had done so well. The young man said, "Well this guy was going fishing so I asked if he wanted some fish hooks, he said sure, That's $1.50. I asked if he had a nice fishing pole, he said no, so I got a graphite extension pole for $43.50. Do you have a nice reel, not yet replied the customer... so I got him a nice quick release reel for $35.00. I asked where he was going fishing and he said Strawberry Reservior. I told him the best places to catch fish are near the center, "Do you have a boat?" The man said he didn't so I set him up with a nice outboard 30 foot cruiser for $28,000.00. Then I asked if he had a trailer. He didn't, so I got him a double axle trailer for $3,000.00. Then I asked what he had to tow the boat. He only had a station wagon, so I told him that just wouldn't do, but we could get him a nice fully loaded Dodge Ram dually, racked and packed with a tow package, trailer hitch and everything for $48,000.00. He wanted it all."

As you can imagine the store manager was astounded! "And to think it all began with that man asking for a package of fish hooks?" The boy replied, "Oh no, it all began with him asking for some tampons which were $3.50, so I replied, "Well you aren't going to be doing much else this weekend, you might as well go fishing!"

 

[sinker man]

Now that's a good one.

 

[Bread Man 1]

Take The Bait
It was a cold winter day, when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite.
He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not too far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute and WHAM! a Largemouth Bass hit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish.
The old man couldn't believe it but figured it was just luck. But, the boy dropped in his line and again within just a few minutes pulled in another one.
This went on and on until finally the old man couldn't take it any more since he hadn't caught a thing all this time.
He went to the boy and said, "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught about half a dozen fish! How do you do it?"
The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."
"What was that?" the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm."
"Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you are saying."
So, the boy spit into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!"

 

[Bread Man 1]

A blonde guy gets up really early in the morning to go ice fishing. He goes out onto the ice with his tent, his pick and his fishing rod, and starts to pick at the ice.
Then he hears a big booming voice: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
The guy looks around and then starts to pick at the ice again. Then he hears the voice again: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
Now the guy is getting a little edgy. He looks up toward the sky and thinks to himself, "God, is that you?"
There is no answer, so he starts picking again. The voice bellowed again: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
Then the guy yells, "God, is that you?"
The voice answered, "NO. IT'S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK."
I know this one stinks

 

[Bread Man 1]

A father and son went fishing one summer day. While they were out in their boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "Dad, how does this boat float?"
The father replied, "Don't rightly know son."
A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "Dad, how do fish breath underwater?"
Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know son."
A little later the boy asked his father, "Dad, why is the sky blue?"
Again, the father replied, "Don't rightly know son."
Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"
The father replied, "Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'."

 

[FishinTopsail]

good one breadman! keep em coming.

 

[Bread Man 1]

jeremy, the fisherman, had driven by the river many times and had seen some other anglers about, so he decided to give his luck a try. On his first day of fishing he had no luck at all but noticed that another fisherman near him that was scooping in one after another. He had to know The Secret. "Excuse me sir, but would you mind telling me what sort of bait you are using?" he asked.
The other man looked around a bit embarrassed. "Well, I am a surgeon, and quite by accident I found that human tonsil works very well."
jeremy thanked the man, thought about what sort of bait to try next time, and left.
The next day, jeremy returned to the river, tried a different bait and still had no luck. Just as the day before, there was yet a different man reeling in fish after fish. "Excuse me," asked jeremy, "but could you suggest a bait that I could try?"
"Well, I can, but I am not sure it will do you any good. I am using a bit of human appendix."
"Hmm," thought jeremy. It seemed that the fish in this river would require a little more effort than normal. He left, willing to give the river one more try.
On the third day, jeremy still had no luck. As was usual, there was yet another man near him bringing in fish left and right. jeremy wanted to confirm what he already knew. "Excuse me sir, but are you a doctor?"
"No, I am a Rabbi." replied the man.

 

[FishinTopsail]

LOL! Now that's funny! I don't care who you are.

 

[Bread Man 1]

A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for a fisherman who sat calmly In his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to him and said, "Do you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the fisherman, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying, AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 32 years"