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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
A filthy rich North Carolina man decided that he

wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies

and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only

******* in the neighborhood. He held the party around

the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating

shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the

women. At the height of the party, the host said, "I

have a 10 ft man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give

a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump

in." The words were barely out of his mouth when

there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and

saw Leroy in the pool!

Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its butt!

Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his

thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds,

biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator

through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. both

Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising ****.

Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to

the top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly

climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring

at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, "Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe

you a million dollars,"

"No, that's okay. I don't want it," said Leroy.

The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something.

You won the bet. How about half a million bucks

then?"

"No thanks, I don't want it," answered Leroy.

The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you

something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche

and a Rolex and some stock options?"

Again Leroy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, "Well, Leroy, then what

do you want?"

Leroy said, "I want the name of the joker who pushed

me in the pool!"
 

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Red X Angler
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Go get 'um LEEEEEEERRROOYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!
 

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Red X Angler
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:eek: I dont know any "G" rated jokes....LOL shame on me....
 
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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
There are four engineers traveling in a car. One is a mechanical engineer, one a chemical engineer, one an electrical engineer and the other one an engineer from Microsoft.

The car breaks down.

"Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again," says the mechanical engineer.

"Well," says the chemical engineer, "it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system."

"I thought it might be a grounding problem," says the electrical engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug lead."

They all turn to the Microsoft engineer who has said nothing and say. They ask him, "What do you think?"

"Well, I think we should close all the windows, get out, get back in, and open the windows again."
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband. "It is 3 o'clock in the morning." He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push!"

"Did you help him?" she asks. "No. I did not. It is 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring rain outside!"

His wife said, "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man gets dressed and goes out into the pouring rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello. Are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes! Please!" comes the reply from the darkness.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.
 

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two strings walk into a bar.. step up to the bar and want to order drinks
Bar tender turns around and squints and says.. hey,, you two are strings! We DONT serve strings here.. get out of my bar!!!!

So the strings leave... they decide to try another place.

They come up to this other bar and go in, sit at the bar, hollar at the bar tender,, bartender, we'd like two drinks.
Bartender swings around and has this look on his face... points his finger and said, get out of here... we dont serve strings here!!!!!! Get lost!

Welp, the one string says,, I'm headin home... I give up! the other string says, hey, I think I got an idea and I'm gonna try one more time before giving up.

So they go to this one bar on the other side of the street.

The one string says, well, I'll wait for ya out here... the other string says, hey help me.. and he pull's out the end of his string... fray's it all up,, bends and twists himself into a pretzel like shape and heads into the bar.

The string hollars out,,, HEY! bartender, give me a drink!!
Bartender swings around..
Hey,, aint you one of them strings???

The string replied, NO, I'm a frayed knot (afraid not)!


;)
 

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Somewhat modified to suit the forum ..

There was this middle aged, avid kayaker who was a world renouned atheist.
Since high school he had spent all his energies organizing and being the chair of various atheistic associations.
He decided to take a sabatical .. and chose to kayak the intercoastal waterway ..

one morning while on his journey he found himself persued by an alligator ..
he began to paddle faster ..
the gator keep closing on him ..
he paddled faster still ..
the gator was right on his keel ..
he put his all into it
and just as the gator was about to become a passenger he cried out ..
GOD HELP ME ..

suddenly the wind died .. the water stilled .. there was dead silence and the gator was frozen still ..
the kayaker heard a booming voice ..
"All your life you've professed I don't exist .. give me one reason why I should help you now"

the kayaker paused, thought and said .. honestly I'm not about to change my ways but if You could make that gator a Christian .. I'd really appreciate it ...

suddenly the water stirred ... the wind picked up .. and the air was filled with the sounds of life ..

the kayaker turned to see the gator .. bow its head .. put it's paws together and say ..




Dear Lord ... thank you for this meal you've so kindly provided ...
 

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Red X Angler
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I can see something like that happening to Druminator!!! LOL... What a story to tell your friends!!
 
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